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  • Writer's pictureKarine Brule

How to Improve Relationship with the 4 Inner Couples

Updated: Jun 19

[:en]It feels good to be in a relationship until it does not feel so good anymore 😏. Sooner than later we get into conflicts, our limits are challenged and our territory is strained. It’s painful or just very annoying! 😅

Of course, I was tempted to put all the blame on the other, big time!

I remember my partner asking me once during an argument “Do you think that all your problems will be gone if I was not there?” which in all dishonestly would have happily said “Yes!😝 But realistically, I know that sooner or later I will again face the same patterns in another perfect life’s scenarios.

The method proposed below will help you improve relations while looking at which part of you is getting activated during crisis.

How the 4 inner couples can help improve relationships

We tend to always look at our relationship from the same angle, me and the other;

I and the other are having a tension or arguing on a subject.

However, we are not always the same person! Various aspects of us get activated on the daily basis. If you discover which part of you is getting triggered during a crisis (inner child, parent, feminine, and masculine), then the easier it will be to transcend. Diagnose accurately then treat it!

The inner couples are all the interactions that your inner feminine and inner masculine can have with the inner feminine and inner masculine of your partner.

There are 4 inner types of relationships (♀♂, ♂♀, ♂♂, ♀♀) that can be investigated to understand how to improve relationships and avoid daily life drama!😱

Below I propose you a description of the 4 inner couples to help you identify which inner couple is the most challenging, the ones that tend to conflict. Keep in mind that we are not stuck in a fixed position, we move from one aspect to another several times on daily basis

When the inner feminine meets the inner masculine ♀♂

There are 2 types of interaction to explore in this aspect:

  1. Relationship between your inner feminine and the inner masculine of your partner

  2. Relationship between your inner masculine and the inner feminine of your partner.

Ideally, we will have here a beautiful feminine and masculine complementarity where both partners feel harmonized, balanced and empowered by the presence of the other.  But let’s be honest, we are not there yet!

The most common archetype triggered here are:

  • The mother-son relationship

  • The daughter-father relationship.

Questions to ask yourself to help you diagnose your situation;

  • How do I feel when my partner is behaving like a teenager or a little boy/girl?

  • What kind of mother am I at this moment (caregiver, territory ruler, emasculating…)?

  • What kind of father am I in this moment (supportive, wise authority, hard, controlling…)?

  • How does it feel when my partner is fathering/mothering me?

  • What kind of daughter/son am I playing (the good little one  “the saint”, throwing tantrum “the rebellious”, or seduction…)?

The Brotherhood Relationship ♂♂

This is the relationship between your inner masculine and the inner masculine of our partner

Surprisingly enough it is not rare to see this relationship taking more space in a couple than the traditional ♀♂ interaction. Lots of entertainment, fun, and competition can come from this interaction.

This aspect of relationship can be triggered between partners during;

  • Intellectual discussion and activities.

  • Sports and physical activities.

  • During arguments which awake the fighter aspect inside us.

  • In sexual relationship when both partners are positioned in their masculine energy while having sex (not that rare!).

The most common archetype triggered is;

  • The brotherhood relationship

  • The father-son and son-father relationship. 

Questions to ask yourself to help you diagnose your situation;

  • Are you good buddies when you are both into your masculine energy?

  • Do you feel equal in this dynamic?

  • Does one tend to take the lead?

  • If one takes the lead is the other happy to follow?

  • Is there some competition?

  • Does one want to have the last word?

  • How does it feel when your partner is advising you?

  • How do you feel when you argue?

The Sisterhood Relationship ♀♀ 

This is the relationship between your inner feminine and the inner feminine of your partner

The most common archetype triggered includes;

  • The sisterhood relationship

  • The mother-daughter relationship

This kind of relationship can be encountered during the following instances;

  • Artistic practices together.

  • Small talk (where the important thing is not the intellectual exchange but the energy exchanged below)

  • Moment of care.

  • Passive activities, where you ‘received’ such as watching a movie.

Questions to ask yourself to help you diagnose your situation;

  • Are you a good girlfriend when you are both in your feminine energy?

  • How does your partner feel when you give him care? when you receive care?

  • Do you feel equal to your partner?

  • How does it feel to see your partner passive? Is it nice or irritating?

 Harmonization of the Inner Couples

Sorting the tension at the subtle level before it manifests in the physical reality is the most efficient way I have found to improve relationship and maintain peace in my couple

We all face new challenges regularly so if this practice worked for you, I can only encourage you to do it again as soon as you feel new tensions rising!

Let’s use the language of the unconscious “the symbol” to create subtle energy movement in those patterns.

Below I propose an effective method that can be applied to every relationship; couple, friendship and siblings.

  1. FIND AN ISSUE: Choose an inner couple or a situation where you feel there is tension (for instance, when I am mothering my partner, is it very annoying to me and to him?).

2.  SYMBOLIC SETUP: use 3 little pieces of paper where you will write;

  • 1stpaper; Your name + inner couple aspect ( i.e. Alice inner feminine)

  • 2ndpaper; The other name + inner couple aspect (i.e. George inner masculine)

  • 3rdpaper; Point of tension.

  1. TRANSMUTE:  In order to transmute tension you will have to deeply feel what you are trying to avoid, by doing so, you will allow it to be fully expressed and move forward with life.

  • Using the symbolic setup, step on the ‘point of tension’

  • Get in the moment and feel the ‘point of tension’ for a minute.

  • Breathe and relax into the sensation that is coming.

  • Stay present and make some inner space for this sensation to be fully expressed

  • At this moment you can use ‘finger tapping’ to help you transmute what is coming for you.

  • When you feel a release you can step back from the paper

If you felt a positive change try to do another inner couple dynamic where there are some tensions, you will see more and more progress.

Please let me know if you found this practice easy! Or have you noticed some changes? You can share your experience in the section below.

Much love.


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